Slight Allowance of Silence

somehow
we've become a unified body
together like language
in raw forms
able to organize
utterance
yet still undefined

somehow
i realize this now
and without you
i refuse to exist
refuse to take
a conscious form
in my own mind
like knowing you can blink
in awe
of the fine motor functions
outside your control
like when a song
invades the deepest
part of memory
and suddenly
defines everything
you are
and were
and never knew
you could be

somehow in your
absence i've become
more complete
like that moment
when fear helps you realize
your own frailty
somehow i've known this all along
because
i want to know you
but don't want to know you're there
because
in my clumsiness
i will destroy you
and lose me