Slight Allowance of Silence

let me please light this last cigarette and watch the smoke coil
as i lie back and taste traces of jack daniel evenings
recounting events that define the way my eyes recall imagery
my reflection
telling tales that stretch beyond notions of love
that shatter notions of identity
notions of being whole
complete
let me smoke until the drought of eternity
when all liquids refuse to pass through my body
and i’m a shriveled version of what i used to be and want to be
let me stop smoking until i want to smoke again
and forbid you from passing judgment
forbid you from defining the lights i choose to see and lights i can’t see and lights i don’t want to see
let me seek you at my most vulnerable
those nights when i crave the moist scent of your voice
and simultaneously demand you disappear
let me recall dark lit nights and eyes cold with regret
let my arms feel the memory of circling your body like reluctant halos
i want to remember speaking naked in movement
redefining love to accept our need to feel each other
sex
moments static like a wind that changes only to bring familiar clouds
let me recall imagery that defines my past like wax on my finger tips
like your shadow fluttering behind the candle light after our last time together
let me redream that night staring outside the window
watching the moonlight dress the landscape
realizing love exists as common dreams in arms that lust to keep us warm
i can’t regret you and i can’t regret that you once and will always define me
i can only float in a wind like a withered leaf
and let your energy embody and symbolize me
i can only wisp in your form and let you exist in many faces
i can only float like smoke and let new cycles pass through my body
i can only trust the moment and trust that as one song dies another lives and is reborn
through my body
i can only sway in realms of abstraction hoping to see you once in a while
hoping that you’ll see me too